Save Our Barkie

Dear Sentimentalist,

Unless you are clinically insane you will have noticed in the media over the past 47 months evidence of our campaign to save the life of our lovely BARKIE, who has been condemned to annihalitave punishment by the fascist courts of Scotland.

Barkie is the canine companion of Ms Clymydia Strachan, Percussionist in Residence for North Aberdeenshire, 195 Sharn Lane, Fraserburgh, and is due to be deleted this Sunday at the Mercat Cross, New Pitsligo by being struck on the occiput with a golf club by Sean Connery.


BARKIE was found "guilty" at Aberdeen Sheriff Court of nothing more than the aggravated rape of so-called man Mr Darcy Garioch, 13 Mock Chop Crescent, Rosehearty. 

During the excuse for a trial that BARKIE was subjected to by the phallocentric Law, Mr Garioch claimed that he had been quietly fighting with his elder brother, Rhett, in the Haddie Arms, High Street, Fraserburgh when, entirely unprovoked, BARKIE, an Alsation-baboon cross bitch, began to look at him "funny, ken?"

Mr Garioch went on to claim, incredibly, that BARKIE, who stands a mere 5'10" at the shoulders, chased him and his brother's lover, Steve Mitchell, all the way to Coulterfanny and there, having robbed both men of their methadone prescriptions, forced Mr Garioch to indulge in sexual congress with a park of "neeps". 

Under cross-examination by Helen Mirren, Garioch admitted being a minker and a "fan" of Glasgow Rangers, but despite this damaging admission, Sheriff Mr Pamela-Mae Berlins chose to believe the evidence of the prosecution witness, Dr Louis Destouches, Garioch's psychiatrist, who told the court that Garioch was "not bad for a sticky bun". 

Passing sentence on BARKIE, Sheriff Berlins, a governor of Mintlaw Academy and an amateur pornographer, laughed as he condemned our little BARKIEKINS to her fate. This appalling injustice must be put right.


If you too would like to help BARKIE avoid the tooling this Sunday, rush your cheques or credit card details to : William Hague, Save Our Barkie, Conservative Central Office, Smith Square, London, EC1. 

Please make cheques payable to William Hague. Or you can get in touch with us on the Internett!!! 

At or e-mail us at

Yours in bio-entity solidarity,

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